What Will Be Your Best Choice?
Published by Deborah Negron – Child of God
January 29, 2022
Life is changing fast. Daily we made to face decisions and directions. Whether we go here or there, now or later it will have a long term effect. How and who we surround ourselves by will enable us to thrive or to become stumped. We can choose to be elevated to a place of honor or we can choose to be debased and damaged.
The choice is ours to make. Relationships that hinder us and bring shame are all too common in the times of youth. But far better are the relationships that case us to grow and mature and expand our understanding.
I remember growing up and having a classmates that loved to read trash and watch things that made some uncomfortable. Their minds were full of mischief and rebellion. They hated their parents and did not appreciate the opportunities they had. I saw others who focused and engaged in wholesome friendships. They did not mind the chaperones or the curfews and have gone on to do well in life.
I was a stubborn one. I hated to be called goody two shoes. I wanted to be able to choose my own way. This cost me greatly.
I was married to the wrong person for a long time. I tried to cover up my mistake by claiming everything was fine.
It was not worth it. Everyone around me knew I was going through some hard times. I did not want to let up. I. Was more concerned with how it would look.
I was deep in denial and in a sin not too many talk about. It is the sin of omission.
That is, when we keep a secret that should not be kept. We claim all is good when it is not. It is when a person attempts to hide their pain and their struggle by doing everything else right.
If you bothered to read this far, I thank you.
The sin of omission is living a lie thinking it is for some good.
It is lying to oneself. I loved my family. I wanted to spend more time with them but this was limited. I loved the church. I was involved in every possible ministry. I was a Sunday school teacher, a Trainer for Bible teaching, a counselor. I served for youth and for women’s ministries. I was even in the Intercession team praying for the lost.
The truth is I was a “Good Christian.” At least this is what I thought.
I helped others and witnessed and loved bring able to share the love of God with people.
But the secret was, that I lived under IPV. That is intimate partner violence. Back in the day they called it Domestic Violence.
My spouse was a very disturbed man. He painted a picture of the nice guy on Sunday but he was a very angry and disturbed man.
He went through a cyclical pattern of behaviors.
He would be nice and kind and appear calm. Then as things began to bother him, he would begin to build a tension. I recall he would give a gift and expect everyone to partake of it. If anyone was not too thrilled to do so, his attitude would begin to become annoyed, then he would begin with the verbal put downs and eventually there were things being broken or shattered. Glasses flying across the air and smashing against the wall.
Then the, well you are going to have to clean up that mess. SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO! There were moments of no sleep because the constant emotional abuse would go on for hours under breath.
At other times the belittling and words that would tear me apart as they would stop for a few hours and start again. Then the calm would come. The great demonstrations of apologies. The tears and the I love you’s. The forgive me. You know My faith is not as strong as yours.
Then the Lull period. The Honeymoon period all over again. Nice, calm, sweet, gentle and generous , only to go through the cycle again.
The Calm – Slowly things would appear to be calm. Making us breakfasts and taking us to special places. When our guard was down and we were finally relaxed….
The shouting and screaming at The Flume in New Hampshire. We were on vacation. People were staring at the lady with the two little kids. This man was yanking the kids arms to hurry up as we were climbing supposedly too slow.
The trips to BJ’s where the shopping cart was full and the man would scream curses and walk out as we had to leave the cart full of all the things the kids had chosen for the shopping cart.
Or the time we went camping and I had to make the best of things since he dis not let me grab the last bag that contained the utensils for our trip.
Always trying to pretend it was okay.
Defending him, its that he is tired. Or be quiet daddy does not need the noise. Yet it was only 3 in the afternoon.
Or when he “Accidentally” dropped a Banquet Table Roll on my toes. He said, I was just to sensitive. My feet hurt for weeks.
Or the times he told me to get the hell out of the car and walk with my children, sometimes a mile or so before he would say okay just get in the car. As he would wait ahead in some Street corner.
He lost his job on account of his bullying a man that was very short of stature. The man eventually took a wrench and hit him in the face. He fell and hit his side. He was fired for harassment. Then we became the victims of his fury. As money became tight and bills began to pile high. Iwould work extra hours and sometimes take shifts from 4 to midnight and such then walk home alone.
Everything was somehow my fault.
So, he had to push me against the wall and call me all kinds of names. From whore to useless.
In the later years of our 25 year marriage he became sick and he began to hide things from my adult children.
They took us in when we lost our home due to his illness.
I was a participant of his cycle of rage and abuse.
Yet i kept is quiet. I thought it was necessary to stay married since I did not believe in divorce.
My idea of Vod’s love was warped and I felt that I was supposed to remain with this relationship until the day I died.
He was not a good son. He complained about helping his mother and father. He had jealousy issues.
No one could get a promotion because somehow that person would become his mental target.
The thing is, I kept his secret. I covered for him. I was a survivor of abuse and thought it was the right thing to do.
While I counseled others to remove themselves from toxic relationships. I thought I was doing the right thing by him.
Don’t get me wrong. We had some moments of laughter and fun. We enjoyed a few weeks here and there in 25 years. But the great majority of time I was in this state of omission.
I did not want anyone to know.
I was ashamed. I was thinking g it would hurt others in the church. I was thinking somehow I could save him.
After all I had pledged until death do us part.
He shoved me hard so I would fall down the stairs. He would rip the stuffed toys from my children after he had bought them for them.
Countless other experiences far too many to count.
So… I finally left…
I could not go to Wal-Mart in the town we lived in. I could not go to Target. My fear of having people recognize the lady who had been cursed out in public countless times.
Why tell all this now.
BECAUSE OMISSIONS ARE SIN.
Not speaking out is wrong. Staying quiet is Foolish.
God never Intended for me to be in this marriage. He did not choose this for me.
I Did. It had been my choice. I was rebellious and refusing to listen to my Dad and my Mom who to me DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.
I chose my own way regardless of their counsel.
As I went to college and learned and began to understand what I wanted to do in life I realized that I had really believed I could change this man.
We can change No One.
Our choices will either bring God glory and praise or We will suffer for them.
Sex before marriage…
Smoking… It doesn’t matter if they are regular cigarettes, marijuana blunts or
E – cigarettes. All of them bring harm.
Friends that lead us to go down awful paths in life all come from not seeking God’s will first.
Yes, our choices will have consequences.
We will fall and fall hard.
I thank God that his mercies are new every morning.
I thank God that one day I poured my heart out and asked the Lord to change my outcomes.
The thing was hard to do.
I had to bear my soul.
I had to go to the police and press charges.
I had to go to court and tell the whe story.
IT WAS DIFFICULT.
I had to go to Counseling for Trauma and I had to admit that I had tried to live a fantasy.
So, the new me…
No more lies.
I am imperfect.
But I am loved by a perfect God.
I thought I was unworthy. But the Lord showed me I was dying for. I was full of text knowledge of God’s word. But I had to come to know thw God of the Bible personally.
My parents were right. Jesus can make all things new.
I forgave the man I was married to for 25 years.
He died being forgiven and saved. The Lord did hear my prayers after all.
The woman who was afraid of doing things alone, is now never alone. The Lord is My Keeper and my Constant.
God has washed me of my shame and my sins. He continues to show me his live as I grow now not in the text but in the Spirit of the Word.
I am but Clay in the Potter’s Hand.
He can do as He wills.
My Daddy told me that I was loved by this everlasting God. He told me that the Plans God had for me were not forgotten. Here I am at 54 and loving life and loving the Lord.
Understanding full well, that in my weakness my God shows his Strength. In my struggles He is my Counselor. In my Service He is My Lord and Redeemer.
Life is Good.Transparency is Possible.
By His Stripes I am Healed. By His Blood I am Clean. By His Resurrection I have A New Life.
He Chose Me!
I Chose Jesus. The Best Decision I Ever Made.
In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will,
Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
He chose me before the foundation of the world. He was not surprised at how I became damaged goods. He loved me any way.
“Come now, and let us reason together,” Says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.”
Yeah, I messed up. But He made all things new.
When I confessed my sin and surrendered my life to the Lord He gave me a New Beginning. (1John 1:9).
Now He orders my steps. (Psalm 37:23)
So I pray you choose him early in life. I pray Omission would never be your path. I pray Confession, Repentance, Redemption, Salvation, Restoration, and Direction is yours as you take the Opportunity, make the Choice and make this the Best Experience of your life.
Choose Jesus… He will Make All Things New.
He has the Best Plan for your Life. (Jeremiah 29:11)