Who Takes The First Place in Our Lives? Do Others See Jesus In Us?

Published by Deborah Negron M.A.

MAY, 2018

It seems we have become enamored with the very image we protray.
Regardless of whether or not the image is a mirage or a facade, whether it is true or simply a staging of a scene. It matters not. We seem to love ourselves and the idea of painting a false picture.

The idea of promoting the self and the purpose has become more important than the truth.
We post pictures and project them so it will appear that we have more than we actually have. We smile when we are really crying inside. We perform as if life was the stage and we the main characters.

But Lord, we are guilty of nothing more than denying ourselves the opportunity to be real.
Lord, I am guilty, was for years. Guilty of portraying what seemed like a happily ever after story, when I had married someone out of the will of God.
Believe me, I wanted to look like the picture perfect story but my family and true friends new the hell I was going through. They were polite and smiled and were grateful when we would leave the gathering because they were all being subjected to my wrong choice. They new I was going through some things but simply allowed me to choose my life.

Today we sit and talk about how hard it was to know that I was going through abuse and emotional and physical harm and not being able to step in.
We never want to interfere in a marriage gone bad. No one wants to be blamed of breaking people up. We don’t want to be accused of overstepping our bounds.

At church it was the same thing. People walked on eggshells around my spouse. They were glad when he left, but tolerated the worst behaviors from him. Outbursts, cursing, belittling others. But no one said anything. They would come to me and tell me, I dont think it’s a good idea to have you guys come to this event or that event. At other times they tried to include him as a strategy to help him change.
I had a woman tell me, I knew that you were a battered wife but admired how you never said anything. How you were so strong in your faith.

I was strong in wanting to push the envelope too far. I was stubborn and wanted God to accept my choice regardless of what He wanted. When we marry out of God’s will we become victims of our own making. We place ourselves in the position to receive the outcome of our poor choices.

When I truly repented of my sin and my disobedience. I began to pray for the man I was married to. I began to pray differently. It wasn’t, Lord change him. Make us happy.
My prayer became a supplication for his salvation. The more I prayed for my spouse, the worst things got.
The more I tried to do for God, the worst it became. It was a constant spiritual battle in the house.
I say the house, because it really was not a home. There was no safety. There were a few nice moments and some times of relief here and there. But never peace. A nice dinner would end up in a dish shattering event, when he remembered someone touched his things. A day at the park would turn in to a tragic moment when he would attack our nieces and say awful things to people. A walk in Walmart would turn in to a crazy time, when he would yell at me or the children to hurry up and get the @#$%! Iut of the store.

Yet, I was as guilty as the next person. I posted the picture of the happy moments. Or the moment when we were all dressed up and made up before the chaos hit. Lord, forbid I ever came clean and told anyone. It would be a high price to pay.

Why share this now? It’s time. As true believers we cannot live in darkness. We cannot live a double life. We cannot be false in any way. We will fail, it’s okay. We will falter. But we have an Advocate with the Father.
We will get hurt and hurt others at times. But this is humanity. Hiding behind a false image may hurt others. But the person that gets hurt the most is ourselves.

People who live one way on Sunday and another the rest of the week cheat themselves of a true fellowship with Christ. The peace of God cannot reign in their hearts.

Whether its stealing a pencil at work or pulling the wool over peoples eyes, sin is sin.
The lies written on applications and legal documents to get what one may need or want, is sin. Saying we are present when we are not, is sin.
The ends never justify the means.
Trying to do some good while portraying a false image in order to get ahead, is still sin. Liars and cheating for the sake of helping others is still sin
There are no Robin Hoods in heaven…

When we, the children of God treat God’s word lightly, we behave like the world.
We do the same things they do. We become corrupt in our thinking. We become arrogant and full of ourselves.
You know them, they claim to be shepherds caring for the flock. Yet
They are difficult to find. They don’t answer phone calls. They project doing a work for God, while lining their pockets with gains.

So time to re evaluate our positions. Time to examine our own hearts.
I am examining mine.

We see it in churches. We see it in businesses. We see it in places where things appear to be one way, but in reality they are so off the mark.

We are guilty as charged. We are guilty of desiring for ourselves what the Lord has not designed for us. We are guilty of not telling the truth in order not to offend or to cover up our own shame. We are guilty of siding with the father of lies. We have given over our lives over to what is most convenient.
Lord help us, our complacency is sin. Help our lack of faith. Increase our faith. Take the scales from our eyes.

Help us repent. Lord, that we would turn away from the false images and be transparent. Then you will forgive us, cleanse our hearts and make us a new. Then ypu will cause us to tell of your mercies, which are new every morning.

You will ause us to speak of the fact that you take the brokenness we have brought to you, You will take that very mess and it will be exactly what you will transform in to what you then call, Beauty for Ashes.

You are the Potter. We are just clay. You are our Maker. Forgive us for taking life in to our own hands. For not allowing you to flow and bring light to every dark place in our lives. Help us to forgive and not to hold bitterness in. Help us to show others mercy and not to think so highly of oursleves that we forget how you took us out of the pit of despair.

We cannot serve two Masters. So, who have you been serving? Whom have I been giving my devotion to?
Who is seen in my life Lord. Who have you and I been fellowshiping with.God only you can make straight the way of the crooked. Only you can straighten our path. Only you can forgive our awkwardness and turn our hearts towards you. Holy Spirit meet us, break us and mend us again. We need to be dismantled and remade in to the image of Christ. We want to be able to reflect your glory, Help us Lord.

Psalm 51:10:13
Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from thy presence; and take not thy Holy Spirit from me. Restore unto me the joy of thy salvation; and uphold me with thy free spirit. Then will I teach transgressors thy ways; and sinners shall be converted unto thee.

Lord God, this moment, here and now I want and need more of you. I am not yet what you will continue to make of me. Please dear Lord, let me be a vessel you use for your glory. Let the reflection of your life be seen in me. Lord, my desire is to be as the moon that shows forth the light of the sun; so let me shine forth the Light of your glorious grace.

God we need more of you and less of us. Have your way totally in me. Reform us God. Let us be commited to you completely. This I pray.

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