Domestic Violence Is Real. By Deborah Negron
Though many don’t want to speak about it …
For many, It can be tabu in some circles.
It may make some folks down right uncomfortable. But it’s time to talk about what abuse is.
October is the time we recognize the issue of Domestic Violence.
Too often people do not want to get involved. They may see someone at risk and they turn their heads. Or they say, it’s not my problem.
“That person should say something to someone.”
“They must like it, they stay in that relationship.”
The national Statistics for Domestic Violence say, that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men are victims of domestic violence every minute he US.
1 in 7 women have been stalked by their partners in their lifetime. 1 in 18 men have been stalked by their female partners.
15% of violent crimes are attributed to domestic violence.
Only 34% of domestic violence victims seek medical attention.
Spousal abuse is more common than you may think. Intimate partner abuse both physical and verbal are the causes of depression and suicide.
What if I told you, that the abused person often times does not see a way out. They consistently have feelings of low self worth and feelings of despair. They have feelings of failure and regret and do not see themselves out of their chaos.
The younger the person within the relationship who is abused, the more power an older abuser gains over the person who is abused. There is a psychological hold that is very difficult to break.
The abuser tends to have an emotional control over the abused. Perhaps they have been the one to take them in, or to have helped them in a specific time of need. This has given them a sense of power over the abused person.
The words of control often used by the abuser may be debilitating and cause the abused to stay.
Their language can be manipulative…
” You know, I’m the one that was here when others failed you.” “Hey, you owe me.”
“If people really knew your past they would not want you around.” “The only reason they respect or love you is because of me.” “Don’t make me hurt you. It’s your fault, you take me there. “You can”t do anything right.”
“Without me you would be nothing!”
“You are such a waste if my time.”
“I should leave you, you are just not worth it.”
The words hurt, cause mental distress. Coupled with shoves in to the wall, spitting in the face. Supposed accidents that have things fly across the room, across you face. Or having your favorite things smashed. The actions can bring about a sense if helplessness.
Then there is the honeymoon period and then, the I’m sorry period.
The abuser tears up, cries in front of you. He says, he really did not mean it. That life would be empty without you. He may say he does not deserve you. He may say he wants to change, to please forgive him.
She causes you to sever every relationship you have. She may cry and say, she is jealous because she is afraid of losing you. She may say she is just so in love that she can’t think of letting you go. She appears to be extremely needy and dependent, to the degree the man becomes attached to her in such a way he becomes like a hero figure. This gives her power over him. He is manipulated. She wants to blame her fears on others and appears to not be very social. She shows a great care for pets and keeps the man busy with many things to do so he has no time except for what she wants.
These kind of abusive situations are time consuming. They tax the abused and cause them to feel a sense of despair. They feel needed and cannot see an end to the unhealthy relationship.
For some, the verbal and psychological abuse is such that they cannot make decisions on their own. They find themselves trying to do good in order to prove that they have worth.
The abused is afraid of rejection, afraid to fail. They are consumed by feelings of low self esteem. They cannot even imagine telling someone of what they are going through.
For many it is lifelong issue that escalates with time. For others it brings them to suicide and or rage, where even murder can occur.
Domestic Violence is real and pervasive. But no one wants to talk about it. It perpetuates violence. Children that grow up in this kind of violence tend to also become abusive or victims of domestic violence.
If you have been through any abuse or are going through it now, there is help.
If you are in danger now please call,
National Hotline for help
You dont have to stay in an abusive relationship. You can be free from this.
God never intended for you to be treated this way. There is hope for you.